My Dad's Example

            Writing a blog is work.  I must write a new blog at least 2-3 times a week.   With that level of writing I need to write again, tonight.  Here goes nothing…okay I hope it’s not nothing, but you get the idea.

            My Dad was always involved in my life.  He was also involved in my big brother’s life.   Unfortunately I have 3 siblings.  I grew up with Tim.  I also have a half brother, Rex, and a half sister, Denise.  I didn’t know about my half-siblings until I was 16.  They just never came up in conversation.  My Dad had been married when he younger and the marriage didn’t make it.  His ex-wife got re-married rather quickly.  It was a different time-he gave up all rights so the new husband could adopt the children.  He did not have any contact with them until the early 90’s.  That was when I met my sister.  It must have been very awkward for her.  Meeting with the man, who is her biological father, for the first time in over 30 years and being introduced to her (half) brother.  She was very gracious.  Just a few years later she sent presents for my son’s birth-that was not too long after I met my (half) brother during a long week-end in New Orleans (Dad, me and all 3 siblings spent the week-end meeting and getting to know each other).  I regret I wasn’t able to establish a relationship with Rex & Denise that would allow us to become closer.

            Denise & Rex are good people, but they are troubled.  I don’t know if or how much of their issues are tied to my Dad.  He is a good man, and did what the times called for-it was a mistake.  It troubled him-it still does.  I know he would have been a good father to them. 

            Their contact with my Dad has been sporadic.  He gets a call on his birthday from Denise.  A card a couple of times a year.    I know it pains him.  I have learned from his mistake.  Of my many failings as a Dad, I have always made to be involved in my kid’s lives.  Of course staying married to their Mom has helped that.  I attended more baseball and softball games then I can remember.  I have listened to lessons on anime.  And I have played more games of pokemon than anyone over the age of 35.  I didn’t care for any of those activities, but I loved the time and connection with my kids.  

Childhood-Times are a Changing

            I remember being 11 years old.  We lived in Greenville, Mississippi.  The apartment complex we lived in was surrounded on 3 sides by swamps.  On one side the swamp came within 25 -30 feet of the building that was on that end of the community.  The swamps on the other 2 sides were a few hundred yards away.  As an 11 year old boy I was in hog-heaven.  Snakes (poisonous and non-poisonous), turtles, giant salamanders, raccoons, opossums,  beavers, frogs and toads.  I loved it.  I would take my machete (because no one with any sense walked through the swamp without a machete to protect themselves) and go on treks through the swamp.  Using a home-made raft and a bamboo pole I could get out to the cypress knee islands. 

            My neighbor found a baby raccoon and raised it.  It was very interesting when he would walk around the community in the evening it would eat toads that were under the street lights.  CRUNCH  CRUNCH  CRUNCH!!!  Just ate them whole.  To an 11 year old boy it was the greatest thing.

            It was a different time.  Being out, away from home all day and my parents having no idea where I was.  That was normal.  I can’t imagine having no idea where my kids are all day.  In fact I spend a lot of  money to give me the ability to find out where they are anytime I want.  Not sure if I love cell phones or hate them.  I don’t think there is a higher incidence of pedophiles, but we hear about every child abduction.  Down the street, in the next town, across the country and half-way around the world.  The only good that comes from it is to increase the sales of cell phones.  Childhood has changed and I don’t think it’s all for the better.

Intro Blog

            I am a father, a husband, a son and a brother.  I play a multitude of other roles, but those 4 are the most important.  I am seldom, if ever, just one of these.  All the roles in my life are dependent upon the others.  There is an ebb and flow to the parts and the role they play in my life.  Sometimes this blending helps to improve and strengthen the parts – the sum of the parts being greater than the whole.  Other times it serves to weaken the parts.  I spend my days going through my routines and responsibilities trying to insure that I meet all my obligations.  Sometimes the tasks are easy.  Sometimes they seem Gordian.  And other times they take on a Sisyphus-like tasking.

             I look back on my life and wonder how the experiences in my life have influenced and affected me.  Did my early years, or better yet, how much did my early years in Memphis affect the man I am today?  I look back with fondness to those years in Memphis.  Climbing the big sycamore tree in my back yard.  Going to my Grandparents house.  Playing with my best friend, David Z., who lived across the street.  These and dozens of other memories flood my thoughts.  Each thought leads to another and they are all happy.  Could this happy childhood be a source of trouble in my life today?  Well, I admittedly have the self-awareness of a gnat, so I don’t know. I hope not.  I hope (believe??) that those experiences have helped to make me a better father.  With the time that I spend writing about my life I hope & expect that I will gain some of the awareness and insight required to answer this and other questions.  I will try to make my recollections, thoughts and musings entertaining.  Perhaps you will learn something about yourself as you read about my life.  This will be my journey, but it will be nice if you would walk with me for a while.

Collins