Well here I am.  Ready to fill in some of the holes from the last post and still I have so much to share, so much to process that I know I won't be able to answer all the questions that may have come from that post.  It's my life and there are there are things that even I don't have the answer to when I am the only person that can give the answer. I'm older and wiser than I was a decade earlier and there is more that I don't know.  I think that as a person grows in wisdom, they grow in the knowledge that there is so much they don't know. 
    To get into the heart of the matter, my Father, who I respect(ed) more than I can express,  died 2 weeks after I was discharged from my last hospitalization.  The week immediately after my discharge my Mom's older sister died.  It's hard to express the loss I have in her passing.  She was always, always without fail a gentlelady.  She always presented herself in a way that would be a basis of respect and admiration before you even really knew her.  Once you knew her, you would see her personal presentation as a reflection of her personal morals and character.  The fact I had not seen her in well over a year before her passing is a failure on my part. I regret that failing.
    My father's passing a week later was both lessened and exacerbated by his sister-in-laws death. That is in no way a criticism or minimizing or my Aunt's passing.  It is the reality of exhaustion.  Be that exhaustion from physical of mental exertion - the exhaustion is the same. 
    I cannot begin to imagine the stress these deaths placed on my Mom. I can only hope that she has the support she needs.  Living 1,000 miles away greatly limits my ability to offer tangible support that will or can have significant help. My inability to give her the support she needs is a serious issue I am trying to address.
    I will never forget the moment I learned of my Father's death.  My son, James, had to give the call to tell me.  I could, can still, hear the pain in his voice as he told me. My father had been the foundation of my life....it was weakened with his diagnosis of dementia.  It completely crumbled with his death.  
    His example of character and morality did not evaporate with his passing.  It took me awhile to come to this realization.  The greatest idea he has given me is that actions are greater than intents/ideas. 

I'm going to have to end this here.  I never have more than a vague idea when I start my blog.  This one is bringing out a lot of emotions that I had not thought would be coming forth.  
I'll be back soon.  Sooner than I have more recently.