Life Goes On
I've been single for over a year and I'm just beginning to put my life back together. My apartment still looks like I'm a 20 year old college student, but I'm working on improving that. Since I was laid off my day job a month after my split, finances have been tough. Things are getting better, but it takes time. I'm working to pay off all my debt and I'm intent on paying cash for any new furniture, so...it's going to take some time. My ex is having some money troubles and even though our marriage is over, I am unwilling to just sit by and watch her end up on the street. To begin with, my daughter lives with her and beyond that we had 17 years together. I can't find it in myself to not help her. I know that our marriage is over, and I have less then no desire to be back with her, but I feel an obligation. As long as I am able to help her, I will help. I continually question whether it is a good idea. To date, I have not come to a definitive answer. Once I do, the help may end.
The title of today's blog is "Live Goes On" and a few months ago I made a big step in going on. I went on a date with someone I used to work with. We went out for a couple months. Even though I liked her, I didn't love her and I knew that I did not want and was not in a position (emotionally) to get into a serious relationship. All that said, the sex was incredible. I can honestly and easily say it was the best sex of my life. I have never been with someone who was so aware of what I wanted (and then did or allowed me to do that). We were incredibly well-paired in the bed. After a couple of months, I realized that I felt guilt when I decided to spend time with my children rather than go out with her. That was not what I wanted nor where felt I should put myself (or her), so I ended the relationship. An important take away from the relationship is that I learned an attractive woman could find me attractive and desirable. After the split, I wasn't so sure about that. After the split, my self-confidence was greatly diminished. Thankfully, I feel better about myself now.
My life goes on. I'm going to be writing regularly now. The focus of my blogs will be changing-at least in some of the blogs. My efforts to establish some semblance of a personal social life and my attempts at a new career.
If you have followed me in the past - thank you for your patience. I hope that my future blogs prove worthy of your wait.
(Please forgive any misspellings or grammatical errors. I did not let it sit for a day and then come back to it as I have always done in the past to help make the posts more reader friendly and less likely to annoying errors. I need to jump back in and putting this aside for a day didn't seem to match up with the desire to get back to writing.) Please let me know what you think.
