Who Am I Now?

Who Am I Now?

            Well…..where to begin.  So much in my life as changed in the last 9 months that I don’t think that I should even try to cover all of it in one blog.  Okay, let’s begin with the most important events in my life.  In my last blog, of November 3, 2011, I talked about my failure as a husband and my prayer to correct them.  I wasn’t able.  I am now a single Dad.  It still hurts to say that.  In early April of this year my wife told me that it wasn’t working for her and we had to separate.  A few weeks later I am in a 2 bedroom apartment with my son.  My wife and I got apartments in the same complex so the children could see each other and we could spend a lot of time with the kids with no problem.  I’m still not 100% sure being that close was a good idea.  Well that is where I am now.   I am legally separated from my wife.  For all purposes of law (short of marriage to another) I am a single person.  This was/is a seismic change in my life.

            I always believed that my marriage would last until one of us was dead…guess this was the attempt by my wife to save my life.  From what she has said, if we hadn’t separated, she might have killed me.  Okay, that was over the top and it unfairly maligns my wife.  The failure of my marriage was as much my fault as hers.  I was willing and able to keep going because I was working 80 hours/week and didn’t have the energy to notice or deal with the problems in our relationship.

            I haven’t changed the title of my blog, yet.  That will occur soon…just haven’t had the emotional energy to do it yet.  I guess it is one of the last things that identifies me as a husband that I am holding onto.  I wore my wedding ring for about a month after my wife’s proclamation and I still keep it on my key ring.  It serves as a regular reminder of my failure as a husband.  Maybe it’s time I took it off my key ring….